7 Movies That Required Scientific Inaccuracy To "Make Sense"
Yes, we know that when it comes to film you have to suspend your disbelief willfully. We accepted that Hamlet spoke to the ghost of his dead father, and we accept that Demi Moore's life was saved by the ghost of her dead husband. You could watch Lord Of The Rings and understand that it's fantasy. But sometimes, you're like "That would NEVER happen" no matter how much disbelief you're willing to suspend. You could suspend 100 disbeliefs, but sometimes, movies will require you to suspend 101 disbeliefs. Here are some movies that say "Here is a thing that can happen." And then you're like "Wait, no. This is untrue." Oh, also, sometimes not the entire movie is scientifically inaccurate, just certain parts.
7.) Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
What It Should Have Been Called:
There Are A Lot More Problems In This Movie Than Just The Science
What Was Scientifically Inaccurate About It:
Indiana Jones decides that it's fun playing in a nuclear test town, so he goes to one. Soon, a nuclear test bomb is dropped, and everything is violently exploded. Indiana Jones is also exploded in the explosion, but he was smart enough to hide inside of a lead-lined refrigerator, which not only throws him about a mile from where it started, but Indiana Jones manages to climb out and say "Not even radiation poisoning can hurt me." Then some dudes scrub down his old, naked, and surprisingly (delightfully) muscular body.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
The truth is, no amount of man-scrubbing would prevent Indiana Jones from being melted by a shit-load of radioactive fallout. Instead of running around with Shia Labeouf, he would be writing his last will and testament. Which would be amazing actually. Can you imagine the stuff he would be able to give away?
6.) Jurassic Park
What It Should Have Been Called:
Mosquito Stomach's Are Amazing At Preserving Anything, Especially DNA
What's Scientifically Inaccurate About It:
Not only is Dr. John Hammond's company able to find one mosquito with enough DNA to build an entire dinosaur but they're able to find countless mosquito's carrying the DNA of countless types of dinosaurs to effectively grow a dinosaur zoo until the dinosaurs realize they are dinosaurs and can eat pretty much whatever they want forever. Also, there is plenty of dinosaur related foliage hanging around and apparently modern day air is exactly the same as air from the Jurassic period and other dinosaur related periods. Over the period of time that the DNA was "preserved" it would have undoubtedly been destroyed and obviously unusable. Which sucks, because who wouldn't want to go to an island of dinosaurs?
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
Nothing, unfortunately. No hilarious goat-eating scene, no lawyer getting bitten in half by a T. rex, and certainly no Sam Neill "lips-slowly-parting-to-show-shock" shots.
5.) Lost In Space
What It Should Have Been Called:
One Lost In Space Was Enough
What Was Inaccurate About It:
This one gets more of a pass because it's Lost In Space. If you were lost in space in real life you wouldn't be lost in space for very long because space would eat your soul. The thing that made us really mad was that the guys in this movie are in a predicament and say "We should probably fly through the Sun, because even though space is infinitely huge, our best bet is to simply fly through the sun." The sun is as wide as 109 Earths. The Sun's surface is 5,778º K or 9,990º F, which makes us wonder why Kelvin is even necessary in this scenario because both numbers are ridiculously high. The core of the sun is estimated at 15.6 x 10^6 K. We aren't aware of a substance that the sun can't burn the shit out of. Even if Matt Leblanc has made his spacecraft out of it.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
People would still have hated this movie but been unable to cite the "flying through the sun" scene as reason why.
4.) Speed
What It Should Have Been Called:
Buses Can Do Whatever We Want Them To Do
What Was Scientifically Inaccurate About It:
A terrorist puts a bomb on a bus and the bomb will explode when the bus, after reaching 50 mph, will explode when it goes under 50 mph. This takes place in Los Angeles, a place renowned for its insane amount of traffic. Luckily for police officer Keanu Reeves, the traffic is only a problem for a few minutes, then it goes away. Also, Dennis Hopper is nice enough to put a light on the SPEEDometer to show the exact moment they reach 50 mph and when they will go under 50 mph. Another interesting thing about the bus is that it can fly. It manages to fly over a 50 foot gap of missing freeway. When it hits the ground, the bus yells "Boo-yah!" and continues on, excited that it was the first bus in history to fly. Without a ramp of some sort, the bus wouldn't have made the jump. And if it did, it would have been so damaged it wouldn't have been able to maintain 50 mph. Also, Ferris Buehler's friend Cameron is in it.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
Keanu, Sandra Bullock, and Ferris Buehler's friend Cameron all get blown up.
3.) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
What It Should Have Been Called:
Chinese People Are Magical
What Was Scientifically Inaccurate About It:
Chinese people can't fly.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
Non-flying sword fights. Still awesome.
2.) The Day After Tomorrow
What It Should Have Been Called:
We Pollute So Much That The Earth's Climate Will Change In Less Than Two Hours
What Was Inaccurate About It:
The ocean suddenly decides it needs to be warmer than it used to be, which is a problem because ice hates warmth. Then all this polar ice melts and the ocean decides to drown New York City. Jake Gyllenhaal leads everyone to safety because his dad is Dennis Quaid and is the only person in the world who understands weather. Then there is a storm that freezes everything instantly somehow and wild wolves who are apparently taking a vacation to New York City chase Jake and his friends for some reason. Science tells us that while climate change is definitely possible (occurring right now), it wouldn't change the entire globe's climate in a few days. Also, Dennis Quaid manages to walk to New York City through the deadly weather from Washington D.C. to save Jake so Jake and his brother Randy Quaid can be in Brokeback Mountain.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
Nothing! Everyone would just be walking around a normal, non-homocidal-weather earth. The action would probably have to fast forward 70 years, showing a world where everyone is sweating, white Christmas's are a thing of the past, and Al Gore, long dead, receives thousands of "Sorry we didn't listen" letters every day on his grave.
1.) Armageddon
What It Should Have Been Called:
Anyone Can Save The World By Landing A Spacecraft On A Gigantic Asteroid And Then Blowing It Up With A Nuclear Bomb
What Was Scientifically Inaccurate About It:
Sure, even Michael Bay said that this movie is implausible. But is that going to stop anyone from taking the opportunity to tear one of his movies apart? Some scientists who saw the movie concluded that there were over 160 things that were retarded. That's how they said it; "We're scientists and the only way we can describe the things in this movie is by saying they're retarded."
Before the gigantic asteroid hits Earth, some smaller asteroids lead the way, where they manage to wreak havoc on only major cities instead of hitting the 70% of surface area the oceans provide, again proving that asteroids can't swim. Then, the world tells Bruce Willis and his friends to be astronauts. They realize they could be astronauts in as little as a few days, completely bypassing the normal "years" timeframe for most pussy astronauts. Then a crew flies a spacecraft directly onto an asteroid that, even though is moving fast, it's not TOO fast for America. Then they blow up the asteroid after drilling into it like it's a piece of the Earth, which it's not.
Other things that made us angry were when Bruce Willis was like; "To find out who has to stay and die we will pull straws." And someone was like "Well, where are we going to get straws?" And another person was like "Good thing I happened to bring my straw collection, complete with a short one, just for this sort of situation." Luckily, Ben Affleck pulls the short one. Unluckily, Bruce Willis decides that Ben Affleck is too important to die and still has to make Gigli and bang Jennifer's Lopez and Garner so he saves his life.
We were most angered by the fact that Bruce Willis was the only character that wanted to kill Ben Affleck.
What Would Have Happened Without Fake Science?
Earth gets murdered.
